The Look

I’m more than bored of individuals policing my body, it’s my body, it’s my borders, I will wear what I want when I want to. It takes courage and strength to express yourself, to look how I choose & wish to look especially when you know the comments will come in full force, but you have to and want to, as this is protesting in your own way. 

Sometimes its hard to be a non-conforming individual bored of the rigid boxes that the heteronormative cis-gendered mass majority oppose upon themselves and in turn upon us, it makes me think that the world is still ruled by stale pale males especially in the west from Washington to London, loud-mouthed out of touch men who reinforce bigotry and discrimination in so many shapes and forms, thus allowing it to be more open on the streets, the mask has slipped and the monsters roam freely. 

It has me thinking then where does freedom form? Am I free when I feel judged and policed? When I hear comments calling me a faggot or nigger or whatever else they muster up to try and stir me, shame me or put in my place - beneath them. I wonder what happened to them for them to hate and then I think of what it would be like to truly feel free to be whatever, whoever, wear anything I like and get smiles, praise or left alone simply to be, that’s my idea of freedom. 

Yet instead I get hard stares that are trying to push me back into a more polite and palatable existence, I should do and be like everyone else, fed into a collective consciousness and wear a white or black t-shirt with non descriptive tiger whisk jeans and some Air Force ones, then just maybe the stares would stop and I’d belong to something. Essentially the looks are telling me that I shouldn’t feel comfortable looking the way I look and the collective outrage does its part to make me feel uncomfortable, it’s best to unsettle and unnerve. It’s not just someone seeing me, it’s being seen in a cold light, my being policed and judged. 

Their eyes tell me things they sometimes don’t say, I’m offensive to them, how dare I be so bold, so brazen, they laugh they’re entertained, something to talk about for 5 minutes ‘can you believe it’ etc etc.

I often wonder how many who express themselves louder then I, have the courage to deal with this shit on a daily basis, some days I just want to blend in, then I think of all those who fought for my freedoms to be in the here and now, to have come this far for my rights and I say fuck it & fuck them, turn up the music on my headphones, head high, march forward and hop and skip to the beat of the drums.